One Hell of a Day

I had one hell of a day today.

I won’t say that it was an unusual day. I won’t say that it was an interesting day

Today was just one of those days. One of those days when I wish I just didn’t exist. Not because I don’t want to live, no…nothing like that, but because I woke up this morning with a feeling of utter emptiness deep inside. Not just emptiness, but a feeling of complete nothing…an unexplainable nothing. I say unexplainable because there was no reason for this feeling. Nothing happened to cause it.

An unexplainable emptiness is so much worse than one that I can pinpoint the reason for. I think it is worse because, along with the anxiety of dealing with a strong feeling of depression, the anxiety is tenfold when the anxiety of depression is accompanied by the bewilderment of having no explanation for those feelings.

I don’t know how to explain it, but that’s how I’ve felt today. I wish I didn’t get out of bed this morning. I did not want to go outside the door for anything. I’ve been trying to concentrate on all types of things today, to get my mind in a happy place. However, no matter what I was doing, I felt nothing….no interest in anything. Just one big emptiness that encompassed everything. Even music gave me no feeling today. Reading, music, video games, various internet shit, talking to friends, tv…..everything just felt empty, and not just empty, I’ve felt horrible all day today. I don’t even feel anything while writing this. It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve had absolutely no desire for anything today, and on top of all that I have experienced a feeling of utter depression.

Emptiness sucks, his is a horrible way to feel……I sure hope I don’t feel this way tomorrow. I need the desire to get out of bed and actually do something tomorrow. I actually have at least 2 things that I HAVE to do tomorrow.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ve had this unexplainable feeling of depression and emptiness today, so I thought that I’d write about it. Maybe telling you guys about it will help, maybe not, but I’d do anything to get rid of this feeling.

Anyways, It’s gonna be 2am soon and whether I want to or not, I have to get up and do a couple things tomorrow. So, I guess that I’ll end this. Maybe some sleep will do me some good.

Goodnight……